I watched as the sunflowers turned their giddy faces towards the horizon. I wanted to be with them; I desperately wanted to have no cares about what I do, how I look, or bear the burdens that others have placed upon me. To only look forward every day to the rise of the sun, feeling its warmth spread through me like a wild fire. To hear nothing except the peaceful calm and the cold fresh air whispering in my ear. To see the the dazzling colors that the sun displays eagerly as it passes through my leaves. And to just see everything smile. To be friends with everything I see. To be forever in a state of crying joyful tears and inwardly screaming the Lord’s praises.
To not be afraid of what people think about me and what I do. Just to avoid prying and watching eyes that sometimes don’t even exist. To just be able to express love to everyone without worrying or fearing that everyone will take it the wrong way or just be annoyed with it. As long as they hear it, as long as I can touch them without anyone trying to decipher secret, hidden messages which don’t exist. Can I just not be ashamed of how much light I am holding?
Can I just not cry because I can’t? Not because I don’t want to or because I’m not feeling it, or because I think I’m too good? Can I just not cry because I can’t? Can I switch or change without taking painstaking means to go as slow as a snail, or to hide?
Can we all just please throw away the scales and the measuring tapes and the stereotypes? Even the “different” and the “fits no stereotype” stereotypes? Please? None of us really know what we’re up against. So, can’t we all just admit that and move on? There is no way we can navigate through this darkness we are in, so can we please just stop trying to build bridges out of paperclips? Seriously, it isn’t going to work because in the end it’s all just a maze of nothingness that we give so much worth to. Every single one of those bridges will eventually fail and collapse. Can everyone just stop building and appreciate the darkness just for what it is and stop trying to get out of it? Just stop and close your mouth. The darkness is not trying to snuff you out, look! Listen!
It’s trying to embrace you.
Hug it back.
With no fear, no anxiety, no worry. Just hugging. If the tears come, let them flow. If they don’t come, don’t try to make yourself cry. Just be alone with the darkness. It’s comforting isn’t it? You don’t have to fight it.